Struggle between self esteem and cravings
Often there are situations that force one to pick between the choices of self esteem and cravings. It could vary from choice of color of car esteem J , should it be that metallic grey or apple red, to choice of remaining loyal to one partner to multiple engagements.
The eternal conflict between self esteem and cravings are much more gruesome. Everyday we phase these challenges, be it be travelling in DTC bus where one sees a ladies seat vacant and immediately jumps towards it, only later to be evacuated by much humiliation by women from Najafgarh decent.
So often we are lured by the cravings that we commit ourselves to carnal clinging, which result in immediate gratifications. We overlook the internal cry and give a damn about long term results and repercussions. The shear wildness and excitement overpower all reasons and give stroke to that boldness from within. However the outcome is perishable and devastating in long-term. And on the other hand the self esteem with no immediate results and as a medicine calls for serious sacrifices. They are painful choice and often make you ponder, so as to why I have chosen that path. But the results are much more wholesome and results in great satisfaction which are less perishable in nature.
The choice of self esteem demands persistency. It’s similar to walking on tight rope with a fine balance in hand. The shear difficulty in pursuing it offends majority of us from thinking in that direction. Mother Nature has her own rewards for individuals who do that. And truly as mother forgives its son if he succumbs to the carnal tingling, but the son has to admit it mistake and pledge not to falters in future.
The whole feelings are coming from experience rather than as some intellectual debate. I have committed mistake innumerous time so as I have lost count. And the times I have kept my self esteem higher are fewer and thinner. But the shear impact of those few scattered moments are so overwhelming that it feels like a holy dip in Ganga. When you have a choice between getting easy reward from your lady boss with a little tip from your side. To be it be get an entrance in medical college without any illegitimate interventions. To the time, when after a party your fellow colleague is drunk and she becomes easy target for you and you keep your sanity in place and not repent on that later.
Off late my inclination towards self esteem was increasing. I got in touch with vipassna which helped me keep my gravity. People around me felt the difference and I noticed it in my own reactions. I became more “neat” guy.
But now this self esteem and neat guy image is killing me instead and make me feel more sinner than I was.
This whole self esteem exercise seems to be a worldly recognition and the urge for recognition is overpowering that alchemist feeling that I once had. It make me feel at the starting of vicious circle.
What has happened, how can I achieve that alchemist feeling and still loose it in due course?
The thoughts took me to next level and the more analysis dawn the realization that the Ego has taken over self esteem and took over all the charm. The once pure self esteem is now a pseudo- self esteem a sister cousin of carnal clinging this sister cousin is more powerful and stronger too.
This made me to find the cause of such debate. What is origin of that behavior and how that choice decision is taken? The first argument that came to my mind was Moral Values. Which to an extent depend on your upbringing and previous karmas.
But a more deep analysis reveals that all moral values are chronous in nature and keep reinventing themselves from era to era. How can they be an answer to it? It has to be more fundamental and achronous in nature. Felling that is not affected by time.
The answer to that came from nature itself. It’s the pleasure of living with laws of Mother Nature that makes you follow the path is self esteem. The excitement of living in harmony with your own self makes the alchemist thing come back to you. It would be always be contemporary in nature and will never loose its foundations
Its will lead to your own path for salvation
It allows one to experiment
It allows one to make mistakes
It allows one to accept them
It allows one to improve on them
It allows one to life with head held high …that’s self esteem
And like all practices it makes a better man out of a human being. It still leaves the scope to experiment with carnal cravings and natural urges. At the end it will be you as an individual who will come out winning.
Often there are situations that force one to pick between the choices of self esteem and cravings. It could vary from choice of color of car esteem J , should it be that metallic grey or apple red, to choice of remaining loyal to one partner to multiple engagements.
The eternal conflict between self esteem and cravings are much more gruesome. Everyday we phase these challenges, be it be travelling in DTC bus where one sees a ladies seat vacant and immediately jumps towards it, only later to be evacuated by much humiliation by women from Najafgarh decent.
So often we are lured by the cravings that we commit ourselves to carnal clinging, which result in immediate gratifications. We overlook the internal cry and give a damn about long term results and repercussions. The shear wildness and excitement overpower all reasons and give stroke to that boldness from within. However the outcome is perishable and devastating in long-term. And on the other hand the self esteem with no immediate results and as a medicine calls for serious sacrifices. They are painful choice and often make you ponder, so as to why I have chosen that path. But the results are much more wholesome and results in great satisfaction which are less perishable in nature.
The choice of self esteem demands persistency. It’s similar to walking on tight rope with a fine balance in hand. The shear difficulty in pursuing it offends majority of us from thinking in that direction. Mother Nature has her own rewards for individuals who do that. And truly as mother forgives its son if he succumbs to the carnal tingling, but the son has to admit it mistake and pledge not to falters in future.
The whole feelings are coming from experience rather than as some intellectual debate. I have committed mistake innumerous time so as I have lost count. And the times I have kept my self esteem higher are fewer and thinner. But the shear impact of those few scattered moments are so overwhelming that it feels like a holy dip in Ganga. When you have a choice between getting easy reward from your lady boss with a little tip from your side. To be it be get an entrance in medical college without any illegitimate interventions. To the time, when after a party your fellow colleague is drunk and she becomes easy target for you and you keep your sanity in place and not repent on that later.
Off late my inclination towards self esteem was increasing. I got in touch with vipassna which helped me keep my gravity. People around me felt the difference and I noticed it in my own reactions. I became more “neat” guy.
But now this self esteem and neat guy image is killing me instead and make me feel more sinner than I was.
This whole self esteem exercise seems to be a worldly recognition and the urge for recognition is overpowering that alchemist feeling that I once had. It make me feel at the starting of vicious circle.
What has happened, how can I achieve that alchemist feeling and still loose it in due course?
The thoughts took me to next level and the more analysis dawn the realization that the Ego has taken over self esteem and took over all the charm. The once pure self esteem is now a pseudo- self esteem a sister cousin of carnal clinging this sister cousin is more powerful and stronger too.
This made me to find the cause of such debate. What is origin of that behavior and how that choice decision is taken? The first argument that came to my mind was Moral Values. Which to an extent depend on your upbringing and previous karmas.
But a more deep analysis reveals that all moral values are chronous in nature and keep reinventing themselves from era to era. How can they be an answer to it? It has to be more fundamental and achronous in nature. Felling that is not affected by time.
The answer to that came from nature itself. It’s the pleasure of living with laws of Mother Nature that makes you follow the path is self esteem. The excitement of living in harmony with your own self makes the alchemist thing come back to you. It would be always be contemporary in nature and will never loose its foundations
Its will lead to your own path for salvation
It allows one to experiment
It allows one to make mistakes
It allows one to accept them
It allows one to improve on them
It allows one to life with head held high …that’s self esteem
And like all practices it makes a better man out of a human being. It still leaves the scope to experiment with carnal cravings and natural urges. At the end it will be you as an individual who will come out winning.
